Here we are last year, at the most kick-ass Halloween party I have ever been to. Sometimes my inner dorkiness builds up and has to be released. That's what happened last year when I was looking at this picture and proceeded to write the following silly story in about a 15 minute burst of creativity. Unfortunately, the great majority of people (like, 4 out of 5) who read this blog have already seen it, but I'm putting it out into the blogger universe because you never know who else might stop by. And I'm cool with putting my dorkiness on public display. Which must be terribly obvious by now.
So here's me and Indy, my longtime BF. I'm the one on the left. My proper name is The Angel of Death, but I prefer Angie D on the street. Some people think we make for a strange couple, but the truth is, we are perfect for each other. We first met long ago in some remote jungle or rain forest or something, I can't remember. I had been keeping an eye on him, because Indy here is a bigtime risk-taker, so I knew it wouldn't be long before I got to meet him in person. I thought he was cute, so the prospect of finally meeting him was kind of a double-edged sickle. I don't get much of a chance to get to know the people I meet, if you know what I mean. But I really liked this guy. So I was pretty bummed when he finally went too far and I saw him staggering around with a poison dart sticking out of his rear end. But a job is a job, so off I went to harvest him. Well, something about me must have really stirred him up, because he couldn't keep his hands off of me! (Yeah, he was drugged, but he wasn't dead yet! ) He said facing impending death was his biggest turn-on, and that thought (plus his freely roaming hands) just made me go weak in the knees.
You have to understand, it had been an eternity since I'd had any action. (And when I say an eternity, I mean: an eternity.) And I had such a crush on him already. I had never been so tempted to bend the rules as I was that day. I think the crippling heat combined with the high humidity and all those colorful little frogs hopping around everywhere just made me go a little crazy. So I spared him. First time I ever did that, cross my scythe and hope to... well you know.
I'm all for honesty in a relationship, so I told him flat-out who I was and what I was going to do. He seemed to be relieved but it was hard to tell considering that at this point he was barely conscious. But he suddenly rallied for a second and I saw a glimmer of sheer terror flash behind his eyes. "Wait, wait, you aren't going to turn into a snake, are you? I really, REALLY, hate snakes." Geez louise, I don't know WHY people are always thinking I might do that, but I assured him that NO, I didn't operate that way, that was Satan, and despite everyone's assumptions we are NOT affiliated with one another. He looked really happy about that, right before he slipped into the coma. Personally, I was really excited to imagine all the fun we were going to have once he got back on his feet. I knew there would be hell to pay later (just an expression, remember, I don't have anything to do with all that business), but I didn't care.
Ever since that day we have been just as happy as a man and a harbinger of death can be together. There's a lot of extra paperwork and "misplaced files" on my end, and a lot of extremely painful injuries on his, but it's all worth it. He gets to keep taking all of his silly risks, since he has someone fixing the system for him from the inside, and I finally have a real live man, one who isn't afraid to love me for who - and what - I really am.
3 comments:
This story is just as good as the first time I read it! So what did you do this year?
I was there the night of the first Halloween. I may even have taken that picture!
Just like yer mom, I loved the story the second time around too. You crafty little thang you.
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